That night
by Bookybookbook
Summary: Jess and Nick are NOT ready for a relationship. But they kissed and now they have to deal with the consequences. This is how two crazy people become ready to fall in love. It's not smooth sailing.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: soo I know none of this is going to matter soon because the next episode is about to come out and none of us will care about what I thought might happen, I probably won't even. But for what it's worth in these last few hours, here is how I want things to go down. I hope you like it and it's not exactly like everyone elses stories.**

* * *

It was 7am and Jess was trying (poorly) to hide the fact that she was awake, out of the safety of her room, and seeing her hot, doctor boyfriend out the door; a caring, hot, doctor boyfriend who she had betrayed last night. Jess's anxiety levels were so high she was on the verge of threatening her innocent, caring, hot, doctor boyfriend with a fry pan to the head if he wasn't quieter. Feeling this level of anxiety over kissing Nick Miller of all people made her feel even worse, if only for the fact that she was willing to attack her innocent doctor boyfriend just to avoid her roommate. But Jess was starting to believe if Sam did wake Nick, she was so stressed she was not in the appropriate mental state to take full responsibility for her actions.

Jess had already declined a rather loud suggestion of breakfast by Sam out the front of Nick's room and she had managed to coax Sam towards the front door with minimal suspicion raised. As he was about to leave Sam lazily wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pretended he was too exhausted to make it outside to the parking lot. He tried to rest his head on her chest like he couldn't hold himself up. "Carry me to the car?" He asked with his best puppy dog eyes. The sheer height difference between them meant he was heavily hunched over and it made the suggestion sound completely ridiculous.

Jess tried her best to giggle and not feel too awful. "Come on tiger, you can make it. How long is your shift? 18 hours? It'll be over before you can blink." She replied, smiling weakly and not meeting his gaze, especially when she heard him chuckle. He stood up straight and lifted her chin to look her in the eye. She took a shaky breath to stop her brain from vomiting up confessions. Then they heard Creed playing loudly from the hallway.

"Oh!" He said loudly, looking back at her room. "Left my phone," he said, and he ran back and that was it, the door to Nick's room opened. Jess immediately panicked and ran round the living room looking for her purse, phone, keys, anything. She heard exchanges of good morning from the hallway and knew she was dead, gone, her life ruined. Sure enough, Nick and Sam came into the room at the same time. "Got it. Think I missed the call," Sam said heading back to the door. Jess took one look at Nick. He looked like he hadn't slept at all, probably just like she did in fact. He met her glance but didn't smile, not even a smirk. He just looked. "See ya Babe," Jess heard and she saw Sam in front of her leaning in for a kiss. She immediately grabbed his arm and yanked him towards the door instead.

She didn't know what she was doing; she just knew Nick Miller didn't give her that look very often and she couldn't face whatever it was that wasn't making him smile at her right now. "Actually breakfast sounds great!" Jess said in a rush as she opened the door.

"Okay," Sam said, confused but following her out. "Bye, Nick!"

"Bye guys!" Jess heard as she closed the door.

Jess grabbed Sam's arm and marched him towards the elevator. "So listen I only managed to find my keys and I don't have my purse with me so I actually think I'll go visit Cece for breakfast instead. But you don't mind do you because you have work and you're _so_ exhausted like you said so I guess I'll just see you out and see you later!"

* * *

No one could have answered their door slower as Jess assaulted Cece's. When Cece finally opened the door Jess was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Cece had clearly just woken up but Jess was so stressed she couldn't tell. "Oh my God. Were you tied to the bed or something? Was that some weird sex thing? Is that why it took you so long?" She paused to give her best friend a revolted look. "_Cece!"_

"What?" Cece said sleepily.

Jess had yet another flash of last night. "Oh my God I don't even want to know." She said impatiently as she pushed past Cece and headed straight for the couch. She flopped down, put her hand over her face and moaned loudly.

Cece followed her, stood over her and put her hands on her hips like a parent waiting to hear why their kid hadn't done all their homework. "Jess what is going on? It's 7.30 in the morning. I live with a house full of models. That thing called 'beauty sleep' is not pretty when a starving Russian model is woken up." Jess just moaned even louder.

"I kissed Nick!" she said through her fingers of shame.

Cece paused. "Is that why he climbed out of the window?"

"No not then, later, when everyone else was asleep." She pulled her hands away briefly to look up despairingly at Cece. "We woke up and he had to give his ladies trench coat back to the owner because their dog was scratching at the door and I said goodnight and he said goodnight and I turned to my room and he grabbed me and kissed my face off."

"He what?!"

Jess moaned again and her arms flew over her face again. "He kissed my face off!"

"Stop saying that what does that mean?!" Cece said, now genuinely alarmed.

Jess's arms flew back to her side. "It means he kissed me so good I had to kiss him back."

"No way!"

"Cece, I'm trying _really_ hard not to let my brain collapse in on itself..."

At a loss for what to say, Cece plonked on the couch next to Jess. "Hang on, what do you mean he was so good you _had_ to kiss him back?"

"I mean if kissing was an Olympic sport he would get a gold medal, Cece." Jess said seriously. Cece raised her eyebrows sceptically. "Against France, Spain, Italy, all the big names. I'm serious. In fact, as an enthusiast, you could almost say I kissed him back out of sheer respect for the sport." Cece didn't say anything and Jess felt compelled to continue, hoping if she talked enough she might come to some reasonable justification for what had happened. "You know Sam is also an enthusiast..."

"Jess-"

"I think the only way out of this is if Nick kisses Sam.-"

"No Jess-"

"Nick will kiss Sam and Sam, also being a kissing enthusiast, will not break up with me because he will understand that kisses like that are rare and when they happen one should accept them. I'm like an art critic..."

"No Jess."

"...Of the lips."

Cece grabbed Jess's shoulders and looked her squarely in the eye. Jess's eyes were huge, like she never wanted to blink. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Jess's lips shook and Cece knew she had said the wrong thing. "Trying... to stop... the tears!" She squeaked out like a Looney Tunes baby bird and Cece pulled her into a hug.

"It'll be fine Jess. People kiss. People get caught up in the moment it happens."

"Nick and I don't kiss Cece, and absolutely not like _that. _Nick doesn't get caught up in the moment. It took him ten years to write a zombie novel..." Jess took a deep shuddering breath and sobbed, "And it's _so _bad!"

"Ok so maybe he was planning it." Cece said reasonably.

Jess pulled away, horrified. "Planning it? Why would he be planning it? How long would he have been planning it Cece? I haven't always had a boyfriend!" Jess paused over what he said before he walked into his bedroom. She had to tell Cece the full story then.

Cece was surprised when Jess told her everything. "Does he have feelings for you Jess?!" she asked.

"How am I supposed to know?!"

"Do you have feelings for him?!" Cece asked more seriously.

Jess's head plunged into her lap out of frustration. "I don't know! Why would I have feelings for him? I have a perfectly nice, perfectly hot doctor boyfriend and Nick drives me absolutely crazy."

"Jess you have to go talk to him."

Jess sat back up and gave Cece the most pathetic look she had ever seen. "No I don't."

"Yes. You do." Jess threw her head back on the couch. "You live with him you don't want to make this awkward." Cece continued.

"TOO LATE!" Jess shouted hysterically at the ceiling and there was a bang and Russian swearing coming from a nearby room.

"Shhh!"

"Oh I'm sorry is Russian beauty sleep more important than friendship Cece?" Jess whispered at Cece furiously. "Besides I don't have to live with Nick anymore, I can start a new life here. All my worldly possessions are back at the loft, so I'm going to need a couple hundred dollars for a new driver's license, cell phone, ATM card, you know just the essentials to start off. And these aren't useful anymore." Jess added, jiggling her keys. "So I guess they'll go in the bin now..."

"Jess you're going to talk to Nick even if I have force you," Cece said with authority.

"There isn't anything you can say that will ever make me set foot in that loft ever again!" Jess said, pointing furiously. Cece raised her eyebrows...

* * *

"You witch..." Jess called Cece as Cece left her out the front of the loft door.

"Good luck Jess!" Cece called back as the elevator doors opened.

"Why have you never taught me how to do that I'm a teacher!" Jess shouted back as Cece waved and the doors closed.

"Jessica, do you plan on waking the whole neighbourhood or just the three of us?" Schmidt opened the front door in his underwear and Jess walked in with her head hung. "Or do I really mean the five of us?" Schmidt added slyly. Jess shuffled in and Schmidt scooted along sideways following her, with one of his campaign winning smiles. "Our lovely night visitors have just left. Winston and I are the kings of the late night pick up, aren't we brother?" Schmidt called out to Winston who was eating cereal at the table.

"Don't call me that Schmidt."

"I guess Nick was seven wheeling it last night, nine if you count Cece and her foreigner."

"He was English Schmidt." Jess said half-heartedly as she plonked on the couch, resigned to her fate. She hadn't really looked for Miller but she knew he was here somewhere. Not like she really wanted to seek him out.

"Nick you were a ninth-wheel last night how does that feel?" Schmidt called over Jess's head. Jess immediately huddled up in the couch and tried to make herself as small as possible.

"It wasn't fair Schmidt you didn't get your own wheel, you stole someone else's." She heard Nick call from the kitchen and she put a hand up to secretly cover her face.

"And you were locked in a room you couldn't leave until you kissed a topless girl." Schmidt laughed. "Does it offend you, Jess, that he climbed out the window, risking his _life_ so he didn't have to kiss you?"

"Oh my God..." Jess said under her breath.

"Is Jess here?"

"Not like it mattered, she still got action didn't you girl?" Schmidt continued, raising his hand for a high-five that Jess ignored.

"I think I'm going to die." Jess said to herself and then Nick appeared in front of her. Give her a moment; her heart was going into arrested any second.

"Hey Jess can we talk?" Nick asked. His hood was up and he was looking at her feet.

"What's there to talk about?" Schmidt said happily, basking in the awkwardness.

"Schmidt, just stay out of it for once please." Nick begged.

"Schmidt's right there's nothing to talk about," Jess said. Nick finally met her eyes. They clearly said 'let's not do this in public'.

"You see I'm right there's nothing to talk about." Schmidt repeated, grinning at Nick.

"I just want to apologise Jess." Nick said, his eyes widening with meaning.

Jess wanted to cry. This was it, this was her doom. All because her stupid roommate decided to kiss her. Stupid Nick. "Stupid Nick," she accidentally said out loud as she reluctantly stood up. But it was only quiet enough for Nick to hear, and he grabbed her arm and yanked her towards his room.

As they reached the hallway between their rooms Jess headed straight for her door and Nick headed for his. Nick's grasp on her arm stopped them in their tracks. They looked at each other, and then turned to their respectful rooms and were halted by Nick's hold on Jess's arm again. "Let's go in my room." Jess said, knowing that's where she felt safest.

"Let's go in mine." Nick replied, obviously thinking the same thing.

"I don't wanna go in yours."

"I don't wanna go in _yours._" They stared at each other. Jess thought there was no way she was being trapped in Nick Miller's room when she had a hot doctor boyfriend she still had to break up with. Wait – what?

"Let's go in mine." Jess said again, turning back for her room, but Nick's hand was still on her arm and he didn't let her go. "This is ridiculous just come into my room Nick."

"Jess just come into _my_ room." The staring continued.

"Winston!" They both called.

"What?"

"We're going in your room!" Nick called.

"Why?!" they heard, but they had already walked in. Winston had got up to investigate and appeared in front of them. "Why are you going in my room?-" Nick closed the door and locked it in his face. "That's rude!" said his muffled voice.

There was a pause when both of them didn't know what to do. Then Jess punched him. "Ow! I'm sorry!" he said immediately.

"You should be sorry Nick Miller because _you suck_!" Jess said angrily.

"I suck?!"

"You suck!"

"I don't suck!"

"You _suck_! I have a boyfriend! The rules of True American do _not_ apply outside of the game after I'd just spent the night with my boyfriend!" Jess was suddenly so mad she punched him again.

"Ow okay I get it I suck!" Nick said. Jess stopped to let him speak but then he didn't say anything else so she punched him in the same spot. "Stop it!"

"Then explain yourself!"

"Thank you for using words!" Nick said pointedly, rubbing his shoulder. Jess folded her arms and waited. He sighed and threw his hands in the air. "I don't know what to say Jess it just happened ok?"

"Nick Miller you do not just _happen _to kiss one of your best friends like that when their boyfriend is in the next room." Jess said, poking him in the chest. Nick grabbed her hand and didn't let go, just pulled it to their side so they were connected. It was mostly to stop her from hurting him anymore, but he had to admit it was nice. Jess didn't have anything else to say, but she didn't punch him again. Or pull her hand away. She just looked worried.

"Listen, I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry I've put you in this position with Sam." Nick finally said.

"Then why?" Jess said slowly, like he was an idiot.

"Jess I honestly don't have a good enough answer for you ok?" Nick said. "I just didn't want our first kiss to be forced by some stupid game."

"First kiss?" She said, incredulously. "You're right that isn't good enough."

"Listen, all I know right now is that you mean..." he paused, and then smiled. "A lot to me, ok?"

The angry words she was working up halted in their tracks and Jess felt herself blushing. She looked at her feet so he couldn't see. It took her a long time to muster the words, but eventually she managed to say, "I uh... think the reason I'm mad is because you mean a lot to me too," touching his foot lightly. "And I don't want to ruin what we have."

"Me neither," Nick agreed.

"So..." Jess said slowly. "Kissing is kind of contradictory to what you just said... because it sort of seems like it's doing the opposite... of what you intended."

"Hey you kissed me too," Nick said slyly. Jess kicked him in the shin. "Ow! Sorry!" he said yet again, but he was smirking now.

After a moment's pause Jess said, "Schmidt means a lot to you too."

"I will reluctantly admit that, yes."

"You wouldn't kiss him like that."

"Of course I wouldn't you're a beautiful woman and he's a very, very, very annoying Jewish man." Nick said reasonably. Jess laughed. "And that might sound sexist but if he was a hot girl I'm absolutely sure I still would never kiss him. Winston might be a different story I guess... those eyes would probably translate well..." Jess laughed and strangely it was then that she finally felt the tension leave her shoulders. "Look Jess, this doesn't mean I want to ruin your relationship with Doctor Sam, or that I wanna..." he struggled with the next words, finding it hard to even say. "_Be_ with you. I just... wanted you to know."

Jess couldn't help smiling. "Way to pick the most unclear method of communication available Miller." She said, managing to giggle.

Nick chuckled and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I never did say talking was my strong point."

Jess smile grew wider, wondering if what she wanted to say was appropriate. It seemed like they were in a whole new territory now though, so why not test the waters? "OK, so you did play to your strengths then." She said playfully.

"You're not so bad yourself sister." He winked and shot his fingers at her like a gun which made her giggle. But then they remembered what they were talking and laughing about and it was suddenly too foreign and they both felt weird. "So um..." Nick cleared his throat and let go of her hand. He wanted her to explain herself now. Why the hell she kissed him back like that. But she had a boyfriend and she was Jess and he wasn't sure whether either of them was ready for the real reason behind what had happened. So instead he said, "Listen, I don't want things to be awkward. I mean, I'm still not sure what came over me... or why the _hell_ it was _so_ good."

"Yes." She finally got to say.

"It was good right? That wasn't just me."

"It was good." Nick went to give her a high-five. "No way," She said, her arms still firmly crossed.

"Fair enough," he replied, lowering his hand. "But can we put it behind us? Can we chalk it down to two attractive people testing their mad kissing skills with no intentions to ruin their friendship or relationships?"

Jess grinned with satisfaction, this had worked out so much better than she thought it would. She shook his hand. "Agreed." She said. "Let's uh... just not meet in the middle of the night again for a while."

Nick laughed and whispered much too loud, "I knew you couldn't resist me."

Jess turned away. "Let's get out of Winston's room shall we?"

"That's not a no." Nick called after her as she left.

* * *

**A/N: I would love to have a couple reviews before this story becomes redundant! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I was encouraged to continue by Dee2387 and I thought that's awfully sweet but what else is there to happen? But then I thought, Nick is hilarious when he is uncomfortable and this is the result. Please enjoy!**

* * *

The discussion about the kiss went phenomenally well, perhaps too well, because Nick and Jess were suspiciously nice to each other the rest of the week. As much as they said the kiss wouldn't affect their friendship, it was obvious that's exactly what it was doing and neither of them was willing to talk to the other again to fix it. Schmidt and Winston had noticed, but they were waiting for their friends to do something so ridiculously uncharacteristic before they confronted them. That happened three days after Nick and Jess had had a secret conversation in Winston's room.

It was amazing how often Nick and Jess all of a sudden got in each other's way. The number of "after you's" Winston was hearing was getting excessive, but he decided to put his foot down when he saw Nick and Jess trap each other in the kitchen one morning. Winston was sitting on the couch and he was grateful he was the only witness. Schmidt had already gone to work and he would not have taken what Winston saw as well.

Jess had been rummaging in the fridge, blissfully unaware of her surroundings until she turned around and Nick was right in front of her, making her jump violently. "Sorry," Nick said. They both giggled nervously and went to move around each other in the same direction. Then they scooted back the other way. Then they laughed without looking at each other and shuffled in the same direction again.

Jess decided to escape the corner by curtsying with her pretty red dress. "Excuse me," she said with a bow of her head and she used Nick's temporary surprise to scoot around him.

"Did you just curtsy?" Nick chuckled, incredulously. Suddenly he was assaulted by plainly nervous giggles.

Jess was clearly embarrassed but she tried her best to defend herself. "So? It's polite."

"It was polite three hundred years ago," is what Nick should have said. Instead he said, "You're right. Excuse me Miss Day." And he bowed. Actually bowed.

Jess laughed in delight. "Not at all Mr Miller," she said, putting on a terrible cockney accent. Nick chuckled as she left the room and continued to chuckle quietly as Winston got off the couch to talk to him.

"I know what you're going to say and don't you dare," Nick said, still in a sickly polite voice.

"I have to," Winston said seriously.

Nick shook his head, his smile turning slightly mad and his eyes twitching. "No you don't my friend, you certainly don't."

"I can't live with this Nick, it's too much." Winston told him.

"_You_ can't Winston? _You_? I just bowed to a girl in my own kitchen." Nick said, suddenly sounding mad and a lot like his old self. "That should _never_ have to happen!"

"Yeah do you mind explaining that?"

Nick immediately put on his turtle face. "No way," he said, and he headed straight for the fridge, a habit all three guys had when they were avoiding confrontation.

"Nick it's too late to look for a way out of this." Winston told him. "You're not distracting me with bacon this time. Just tell me what's wrong."

"I can't it's too terrible," Nick called from the fridge.

"What happened? Did you see her naked again?" Nick started moving jars and Tupperware in the fridge around at random, making them clatter so he could block out Winston's voice. "You gotta tell me now otherwise I'll go ask her."

"No!" Nick said urgently and he left the fridge and hurried over to Winston again. "You can't ask her. We're completely happy with the way things are you can't question it Winston."

"Nick you laughed at her curtsying to get away from you. No one in this loft should encourage Jess curtsying. That's an unspoken rule _you_ made up_._ What is going on?!" He said, his voice rising out of frustration.

Nick made wild, panicked gestures at Winston to keep his voice down. "Listen," he said in a hushed voice. "She's just in the other room can we please not talk about this here?"

"You're not going to take me somewhere cool so I'll forget about this are you?" Winston asked him suspiciously.

Nick sighed loudly, "Well not _now_ I guess, let's just go somewhere else ok?"

"Fine," Winston said finally, still eyeing Nick suspiciously. "But you're telling me what's going on as soon as it's safe."

"I will tell you." Nick agreed, although he still looked uncomfortable.

"And you're buying me an ice cream." Winston added.

Nick was outraged. "Who's doing who a favour here?" He said, gesturing between them.

* * *

"Enjoy it ya bug-eyed clown," Nick was grumbling at Winston eating his chocolate chip ice cream. They had gone to a diner down the road. Nick had his hood up to avoid recognition despite Winston saying that they weren't doing anything secretive and they weren't being followed or spied on.

"Out with it Nick," Winston said, still preoccupied with ice cream. "What did you do?" Nick suddenly got extremely restless, absentmindedly rubbing the back of his neck out of discomfort. "Did you walk in on her and Sam?"

"No!" he replied immediately.

Winston's eyes widened with a possibility. "You didn't... you know..."

"What? Of course not she has a boyfriend!" Winston's eyes widened even further and Nick finally conceded. "I kissed her, ok? When everyone else was asleep after Strip True American." He winced and rubbed his face, which had suddenly gotten itchy and hot.

Winston took in his friend's restlessness with disbelief. "You kissed her?" Nick nodded, rubbing his eyes, clearly in pain. "What's the big deal Nick we were forcing you to kiss her a couple hours earlier."

Nick's squeezed his eyes shut. "I know! But I didn't want to and then I really _did_ want to and we both said it was nothing..."

"But it's something?" asked Winston, finishing his thought.

Nick threw his hands up out of hopelessness. Then his gaze rested on Winston's ice cream. "Can I have some of your ice cream?"

"Uh uh," Winston said, taking another bite and keeping it closer to his chest.

"Winston, I'm telling you the loft dynamic is changing and you're not even going to give me a bite? I need some ice cream."

"Get your own ice cream-"

"I got you _that_ ice cream, technically it is mine!"

"I licked this ice cream all over man you're not getting any of it, that's nasty – wait!" Winston stopped with a sudden realisation. "You're changing the topic."

"No I'm not I just want some ice cream Winston."

"Do you have feelings for her?" The words hung in the air for a moment.

Then Nick sighed deeply. "I don't know," he conceded. "I mean its Jess, I care about her a lot but..." he went back to rubbing his neck. "It wouldn't work out between us we're already at each other's throats a lot, sometimes we're barely friends. It would just be too much."

"Wow. I can't believe we're having this conversation," Winston said heavily.

"Yeah well we could have been arguing about ice cream," replied Nick sarcastically.

* * *

**A/N: That's all I have right now but Nick and Jess are a lot of fun to write so I think this might become an AU story! Pleeeease review!**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay guys so this is the deal, I don't think Nick and Jess are ready for a relationship and right now I'm enjoying how confusing I'm making their life (not apologising, uncomfortable Nick and Jess are fuuun to write). So I'm going to follow in the spirit of the show, and make this a bumpy ride because they aren't ready for each other's crazy _yet_. This story will therefore be a collection of stories (I guess like episodes) about how they become ready for bigger and better things. In the spirit of that, enjoy Nick and Jess at their most immature!

Love to all.

P.s. I'm sorry this took so long! As a peace offering I'd love to hear suggestions for what happens next!

* * *

After Nick vented to Winston, the loft tried its best to go back to normal. Nick had reluctantly concluded the fire behind that kiss probably didn't come just from a basic attraction to his roommate. The 'I'm a man and I have needs' argument didn't hold up in his head for very long, after all, it wasn't like he was that desperate (admittedly maybe a little), but not enough to almost ruin his relationship with one of his best friends. He also found he had to push past a panicky wall of 'no' he'd built in his mind whenever he thought about Jess as 'more-than-a-friend'. Usually the (to be frank) horror of the idea meant the wall would win, and Nick would immediately have to distract himself with TV or random apartment repair until the irrational fear was buried under the loft's shoddy plumbing or a bad sitcom rerun. He had a faint idea that his aversion to even thinking about Jess like that probably meant it was a bigger problem than he was willing to admit, but for now, all he wanted was to forget the night and treat the situation as a mature adult, something that was usually an effort for both of them.

He had come to this conclusion after his discussion with Winston and literally an hour later the decision became almost completely redundant. Nick was reattaching a new string to the wooden spoon sitting in the soap dispenser in the bathroom (the push button having been broken years ago; they had to dip the wooden spoon through the top and smear the soap onto their hands). He was quite preoccupied when he heard the loft door close with a bang and an enraged Jessica Day scream, "MILLEEEER!" She was so mad her voice was breaking and squeaking under the pressure.

"Squeak level?" Nick said to himself with a sense of growing dread. Preparing for the worst, he went out into the hallway to see what he had done and Jess came flying at him in a whirl of smudged mascara and floral dress. Nick wasn't proud of what he did. He immediately ran back into the bathroom and slammed the door shut as Jess collided with the wood with a bang.

"OW! GODDAMN MILLER!" She screamed though the door.

"Oh God I'm so dead," he said to himself, guiltily biting his lip and putting all his weight into keeping Jess on the other side of the door. "I'M SORRY!" he called feebly, even though he didn't know what _else_ he'd done. The doorknob rattled and he held it still, wincing at how this was so the opposite of being progressive and mature.

"YOU'RE NOT SORRY MILLER, COME OUT HERE AND YOU'LL BE SORRY!" she screamed.

Nick paused to consider this, the endless thumping continuing behind him. "IT'S PROBABLY BEST FOR ME IN HERE THEN," he called out to her, his terror curbing any noble thoughts he might have had.

"SAM BROKE UP WITH ME!" Nick had to bite his fist out of shame of being so scared of a girl. "AND IT'S ALL-" thump! "YOUR-" thump! "FAULT!" Thump-thump!

"JESS I'M SO SORRY! JUST – PLEASE!" Nick could feel a panic attack coming along. It was making him want to do something drastic, like cocoon himself in the shower curtain. "I WANT TO LIVE!"

"YOU KILLED MY RELATIONSHIP MILLER! IT'S ONLY FAIR I KILL YOU!"

"I-" he had to clear his throat to speak. "I don't think that would hold up in court!"

"AAAAAAHHH!" There was a loud clang against the door.

"Are you using my plumbing tools?" Nick called, remembering he had left his box in the kitchen.

"TRY – BREAK – THE – PLUMBING – MORE – NOW!"

"SOMEONE SAVE ME!" Nick shouted in desperation. The event was so traumatising their screams were becoming indistinguishable, Nick's turning girlier and more emasculating by the second, when help arrived in the form of Cece.

"Jess?!"

Jess was so mad all she was seeing as she attacked the loft bathroom door was Nick's stupid scruffy face with a giant red X in the middle. She had indeed found the biggest wrench she could in Nick's collection and was mercilessly bashing the bathroom door with it. She planned to damage it so badly Nick would either have to fix it himself, or, preferably, she would knock the door down and Nick, having no way to escape, would be trapped underneath and she could jump on the fallen door and squish his stupid turtle face. It was then, she reflected vaguely, that she understood cartoon violence.

The bloodlust was so excessive, she was worried if anyone snuck up on her they'd get a wrench in the face. Therefore, when Cece's hands rested lightly on her shoulder, Jess screamed in fear of what she could do to some poor unsuspecting passer-by and she dropped the wrench on her own toe.

Cece gasped. "Oh my God! Are you ok?"

Pain shot through Jess's big toe and she briefly abandoned her assault on the bathroom door to hold her injured foot and hop on the spot, groaning insults to herself under her breath, "Squish his stupid yam head."

"Jess what happened?" Cece asked full of concern, putting her arm over Jess's shoulder and finally leading her away from the bathroom to a seat at the dining table, Jess hopping the whole way.

"WHOEVER THAT IS OUT THERE," Nick called from the bathroom. "I want you to know you saved my life and I am eternally grateful!"

"THIS ISN'T OVER!" Jess shouted back angrily.

"Jess please! HAVE MERCY!"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU IN YOUR FACE—"

Cece decided to intervene at this point. "Okay enough! _What's going on?!_" Jess's face turned from enraged to hysterical in a split second and she burst into tears and pulled Cece into an iron tight hug.

"I told Sam Nick kissed me and he broke up with me and it's all Nick's fault so I have to kill him!" She sobbed into Cece's shoulder.

"What was that?!" Nick called from the bathroom. "Sam's not coming for me is he? Because I don't want those hands that cure round my throat!"

"Okay, Jess let's go to your room," Cece said in a well trained calming voice.

"I can't!" Jess sobbed into Cece's shoulder. "I can't –" she started to hiccup. "Kill – Nick – in – my – room!"

"I promise we can kill him later," Cece told Jess soothingly, rubbing her back and guiding her towards her room.

"I wanted to – kill – his face..."

"I know sweetie, kill his face after a cup of tea."

* * *

Nick waited in the bathroom for a sign the danger had gone. He didn't want to be lulled into a false sense of security, and then suffer death by hand-knitted noose if he left the safety of the bathroom. He was so ashamed of himself he banged his head on the wall continuously while he waited. This would happen to him; resolve to be mature and unselfish and then cower in the bathroom rather than be there for his friend. And sure, this was all his fault and he probably did deserve death by yarn, but when it came down to it, angry Jess was so much more terrifying than he'd expected. Baby steps, Miller, he thought to himself.

"Nick? Are you still in here?" He heard a much calmer feminine voice from behind the bathroom door.

"Cece?" Nick called out in hope. "I'm not going to walk into some sort of human-sized booby-trap web of ribbons if I come out am I?"

"Her craft cupboard is safely locked up Nick, you can come out."

Nick jumped up from the floor and flung the door open with glee. "Oh thank God! Where's Jess?" He asked immediately, looking around in trepidation.

"She's in her room with your laptop and her Sandra Bullock DVD's." Nick took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in his throat. Time to be a man, even if that meant allowing a girl to punch him down below, that was what he had to do. The mutant children he would produce will be Future Nick's problem. He headed for her room. "I wouldn't go in there if I was you." Cece called after him.

Nick barged straight into Jess's room before his courage gave out. "Listen Jess, I'm really, really sorry I –" he had to stop. Jess was sitting on her bed in her pyjamas, smudged mascara framing her big blue eyes, making them look twice their size and her hair piled in a messy bun. But Nick could hardly hear what he was saying because she'd turned up the volume on Two Weeks Notice. "Wow, can my laptop speakers really go that high?" Jess didn't respond she just stared resolutely at the laptop screen. "Man I… really never wanted to hear Hugh Grant's voice this loud ever… it's grating, does anyone else find that?" he said, turning to Cece who had followed him in, and she raised her eyebrows out of disinterest. "Yeah so anyway, Jess, I'm…" the volume increased even more. "SORRY! I'M SORRY JESS, I… CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

Jess finally spoke, "Cece." Her eyes never leaving the laptop screen.

"Jess, I don't have to do I?" Cece asked her, sounding slightly pleading.

"Cece." Was all Jess said in reply.

Cece sighed and turned to Nick. "Until further notice, Nick, Jess will be shunning you."

"Shunning me?!" he exclaimed in disbelief.

Cece nodded painfully, she'd obviously disagreed with Jess's tactic. "Until she can forgive you, so… right now, this will continue indefinitely." Cece met Nick's look disbelief with a classic Jess-is-crazy eye roll that the whole loft had adopted since she'd moved in.

As Cece's words sunk in, Nick suddenly became unjustifiably angry considering the circumstances. "Oh yeah refusing to talk through your problems that'll fix them won't it Jessica? Where'd you pick that one up from? Me? You finally decided to take a page out of the Nick Miller Book of Life? Well have fun because I know from experience all you get is an addiction to alcohol and a hate for rich people." Jess continued to act like she didn't hear, but she took a very noticeable gulp. "Seriously? Is this seriously happening? Because if it is I gotta tell you I'm not going to make it easy for you." When he got no reaction he decided to take the high road once more just for Jess, but then all hell was going to break loose. "Listen Jess I really am sorry about Sam. It really sucks that you have to pay because I did something stupid and if you _tell_ me how to make it up to you I will try... as long as it doesn't involve too much physical or mental pain. But I'm warning you, shunning doesn't go both ways Jessica. I hope you're prepared for the unshunning of your life sister."

Jess finally spoke. "Oh Cece," she said lightly, pointedly not meeting Nick's eye. He could have been part of her glittery wall hangings for all she noticed him. "This is the bit where Sandra ate the bad hotdog and she can't find a bathroom, so great right? You and _no one else_ should watch this with me."

"Wow... Queen of Subtle there aren't you?"

"Yeah..." Cece replied, pointedly ignoring Nick's comment and obviously having to go along with whatever Jess said in her fragile emotional state. "Such a great scene..." Cece joined Jess on the bed. That was when Nick knew he wouldn't get any help from Cece. She had to support her best friend.

Well that settles it, Nick thought to himself. "All right Jess you've done it. You've forced me, to force you, to not ignore me for a second longer. And you're right, that bad grammar was my first jab, ya know-it-all." He squared his shoulders proudly and left the room.

Finally free of his presence, Jess allowed herself to shiver with trepidation. She wasn't sure what was going to happen next but she knew things were snowballing. Right now she was angry enough to let Nick do what he wants, because she was going to be so busy shunning him she wasn't going to notice if he walked in, in a pink dress and pig tails.

* * *

A/N: OoOoh what's going to happen next? Okay seriously normally I hate cliffhangers but I got stuck and I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer. I sort of built the next chapter up a lot there didn't I? ...That's a bit of a problem because I'm stuck. Nick is planning a whole bunch of crazy antics to get Jess to end her shun and talk to him again, but I don't really know what they could be! So any suggestions, as crazy as you like would be weeeelcome! And I, a girl living in Australia you'll probably never meet will love you for ever. I know, I'd be brainstorming this crap ASAP too if I were you!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: The start felt a lot like a cold open so I almost wrote in a _Who's That Girl_ opening sequence. You get the idea though. Hope you like it! And pleeeeeease review!

* * *

Nick was bustling around in the kitchen, fry pans and almost the entire contents of the loft's cooking utensils emptied out of their drawers and splayed across the benches. Unnameable substances stuck to the counter tops, and Nick was covered in powder and stains, including a suspicious brown substance on his cheek he hadn't noticed yet.

Winston and Schmidt were watching the disastrous effort unfold from the bar stools. Winston was mildly amused and sipping a coffee. Schmidt was so revolted by the state of the kitchen he was dry heaving. "If there was a God of the Kitchen Nick you would be the equivalent devil."

Nick ignored Schmidt, too caught up in what he was doing. "I couldn't find any cocoa so I'm just going to use coffee, its caffeine so you know, same thing." Schmidt shot Winston a look of disbelief and Winston replied with a silent 'wow'. "And we're out of ground coffee so I'm just going to throw in some beans."

"Look at you," said Winston, rather proud. "Enthusiasm and cooking skills of a Labrador."

"I know you're trying to get Jess's attention Nick, and believe me, she may have to say 'fire!' at some point the way this is going," said Schmidt. "And if she does I know that it will be a win for your friendship because she would have finally said something to you. And it would be a win for the kitchen because hopefully it won't burn down. But maybe you should, um, drop this particular escapade and _never_ attempt it again and maybe make Jess a drink instead?"

"No." Nick replied dismissively, scraping a lumpy brown substance out of a bowl onto the bench and squeezing it like play dough. "I always make her free drinks she needs something different to entice her."

"This is different," confirmed Winston. "With this combination of ingredients… I think it's safe to say no one has ever made what you're making before, ever."

"Enticing would not be a word to describe what's happening right now," said Schmidt. Nick had squeezed the mixture into messy pieces he was now attempting to place them on a fry pan. Most of the mixture was still attached to his hands. "Horrifying is the first word that comes to mind. Cockroach sanctuary is another..."

Nick wiped his hands on his filthy shirt, licked his fingers and then spat out the mixture. "Think it needs more coffee."

"Nick I truly believe you may be creating a new strain of bird flu right now," said Schmidt, genuinely concerned.

Jess and Cece were also observing quietly from the dining table. Jess had stuck true to her word and had not spoken or acknowledged Nick's existence for a whole day. Being Jess, this was a huge achievement; she couldn't remember ever lasting this long ignoring someone before. She had tried over the years to give her parents or Cece the cold shoulder, but they had usually tricked her into answering a question or bribed her with something colourful. She was determined to break a record today, but not because she hated him. Contrary to what she thought would happen; her anger had faded over the course of the day. Nick was jumping through hoops for her, in his Nick way. Now it was a matter of seeing how far he'd go, just because she wasn't mad anymore didn't mean she couldn't have a little fun, because Nick still owed her.

"How long are you going to let this go on Jess?" Cece asked, watching Nick attempting to fry whatever he was making, while at the same time batting Schmidt away with an oven mitt.

"About as long as I can stand it," said Jess. "Right now it's not really hurting anyone and I can't remember the last time Nick cooked so..."

"You animal!" Schmidt shouted. Nick whacked him in the face with the oven mitt.

"It's definitely an improvement from this morning anyway," Jess continued.

She had woken up to him standing over her bed, his hood over his head, beady-eyed and breathing heavily. Jess had screamed, yanked her covers up to her face in horror and almost yelled at him, but then she had remembered her vow so she stayed silent. "Mornin' Jess, now I don't want you to worry about a thing today, I'm gonna take real good care of you."

_Why are you talking like a Texan plantation owner?_ Jess thought to herself, so she didn't have to say it out loud.

"First, I thought you'd like to start the day off with a morning break dance performance! One... two-" And then with a clap he entered into the worst break dancing Jess had ever seen, but he scrunched up his face like he was really into it. At one point he grabbed one of her red feathery hats and tried to throw it so it would land on his head, but it missed so he caught it with his foot instead, and then tried to kick it back up his body. It had ended with an ill planned spin into her dresser. He had fallen down and crawled out her room on his stomach, managing to croak out, "I'll let you get dressed Jess see you soon."

"I'm coming over Jess!" Nick called from the kitchen, making to leave with his fry pan, but Schmidt was blocking his way.

"No!" Schmidt said with as much authority as he could muster. "No! I like Jess I will _not_ let you poison her!"

"Out of the way Schmidt!" Nick moved to go around him but Schmidt caught him in a bear wrestle, pinning Nick's arms. "Schmidt I have a hot fry pan in my hands!"

"You stay away from her!" They struggled awkwardly, Schmidt squished Nick's face with his hand and Nick tried to push Schmidt's face away with his own free hand.

Winston grabbed the fry pan as it flailed behind Schmidt's back and casually sat back down. "Of all the crazy times we have in the loft, I have to say these are my favourite moments." Schmidt twisted around and was holding Nick behind his back. Then Nick managed to knock one of Schmidt's legs out from under him and he fell to the ground. Nick took the opportunity to grab the fry pan and march it over to Jess.

"Bon appetite madame…ma…zell." Nick said triumphantly. Then Schmidt spear tackled him from the side. "Whoomf!"

"This can't end yet." Jess told Cece.

* * *

"I feel like you're punishing everyone else in the loft, Jessica," said Schmidt. He had joined Jess and Cece at the table after Nick had gathered the destroyed 'muffins' and retreated to his room. "Who knows what he'll bring with his next attack. I'm pretty sure I just saved you from salmonella too so you're welcome."

"Schmidt it's not that bad," said Jess.

"This kiss has worked so far in your advantage it's not fair on anyone else."

"Schmidt, Sam dumped her!" said Cece.

"And now our roommate has gone loco for your womanly ways," said Schmidt. "How many times have I kissed Nick? I have never received this sort of treatment."

"Schmidt it's hardly first class treatment and besides he is _not_ loco for me!" said Jess. "He's making it up to me."

"Because Sam dumped you? If Nick had ruined anyone else's relationship he would have made them a drink and they'd be over it. I cry foul Jessica Day, I cry foul!"

"Schmidt, I _really_ liked Sam," said Jess. "He was a doctor! I'm not going to have an opportunity like that again, the universe won't allow it. One paediatrics doctor per single girl, that's the rule. If you ruin it, you don't deserve another one. They're in too high demand, and you obviously don't look after them like you should, so the universe gives them to someone else. I can only go down from here."

"And what you're doing to Nick, does that mean nothing?" said Schmidt.

They heard a loud crash from Nick's room. "I'M OKAY!" he called out. "WHO KNOWS HOW TO REMOVE A BOOK CASE WITHOUT YOUR HANDS?"

"I'll be right in buddy!" Winston called from his room.

Schmidt raised his eyebrows. Jess scowled at him over the table and thought about what he said. "No," she said. She decided she was still in the right. "Despite what we just heard, Nick's fine. I actually think he's enjoying this. Before he said he wrote a poem about zombies inspired by me. It's going to be terrible and I won't be able to tell him that. So who's the real sufferer here?"

Schmidt stood up in disgust. "I can't watch this anymore then. Good _day _Miss Day," he said, picking up his coat and heading for the door.

"Bye Schmidt," said Jess, watching him go. When she turned to Cece, she was not looking impressed. "Come on Cece-"

"-This is going to backfire Jess," Cece warned.

"Not you too," Jess complained.

"The only way this is going to end is that he'll go too far and you'll have to tell him to stop."

"Can't a girl shun a guy without _everyone_ having an opinion on it?" said Jess, exasperated.

"Hey Jess I'm loving today, what are you gonna make him do next?" said Winston, who had just entered the room after helping Nick.

"How can I be making him do it? It's the cold shoulder! I'm not telling him to do anything!" Jess cried, throwing her head in her arms to hide from everyone.

* * *

Nick spent the day doing big, usually disastrous gestures. He tried to rearrange her room when she was at work and she spent half an hour trying to find her sweaters, which for some unexplained reason he'd placed next to her shoes in her wardrobe. She almost verbally stopped him when he brought out his old guitar and sang a song he entitled 'eyelash girl'. The lyrics were definitely some of the worse she'd ever heard but they were highly complimentary and she felt oddly comforted when he sang about her meeting Patrick Swayse (Jess could never bring herself to tell Nick he was dead). Still, she couldn't stand it for very long and she had to get up from the dining table and go to her room because she knew Nick had a lot of trouble playing and walking simultaneously.

By the end of the day she was used to the discomfort and awkwardness that came with not speaking to Nick. So when he joined her on the couch at the end of the day to watch TV and he placed a blanket over their laps, she decided it was a small but nice gesture and she wouldn't leave.

"Wanna watch a movie?" he asked her. She continued to stare pointedly at the TV. "Unless you're already watching something. _Are_ you watching something Jess?" He waited, observing her closely. "I'm putting on Happy Gilmore and I know you know I've seen it thousands of times and I'll be quoting the whole movie if you don't say something right now Jess." He waited for a reasonable amount of time. Then he put on a high pitched girl voice, "_Whatever you say Nicholas you do do a better Adam Sandler than Adam Sandler after all._ Why thank you Jess how kind of you to say well I guess I'll throw it on then!" Jess turned her eyes to her lap to try and hide her smirk. "I saw that too." Nick added as he got up and went to put the DVD on. "Just _taaaap_ it in..." he said to himself as he pushed the DVD in. He turned to her with a malicious smile. "It's begun..."

Nick was as bad as he warned. He said every line a second before the movie and laughed far too loud at jokes he'd heard a million times before. He even explained why Adam Sandler attacking Bob Barker was so funny. "He's a national icon Jess! And he just punches him in his senior face!" And as much as she didn't want to admit it she was enjoying his company.

Jess was having a harder time than ever not saying anything. She made it through the movie without breaking and as soon as Nick turned off the TV he sat there quietly, thinking of what to say. He didn't look her in the eye as he spoke. "Jess I don't really think I need to say sorry anymore. I think you know I'm sorry by now. But I hope you know I'm sorry what I did ruined your relationship and hurt you. I'm not sorry I kissed you." He chuckled. "Now I think about it that was probably the coolest I've ever been so every now and then I may need you to back me up when people don't believe it's possible." He chuckled a little more and Jess had to reply with a shy smirk. She was finally becoming too uncomfortable to not reply. Because she wasn't sure she was ready for wherever Nick was going with this. And he was right he had more than made it up to her. In fact she probably owed him some personal slavery time in return for the amount of injuries he'd received over the course of the day. "You know what I said the other day I meant Jess. You're important to me." Nick told her sincerely. "And that's why I almost poisoned you with fried cocoa muffins today."

She took a long time to think all this through. Nick knew she was thinking so he stopped talking and they sat in silence. She was working up the courage to tell him he was important to her too when she ran out of time. "I can't take this anymore I have to make you talk," said Nick and without warning he grabbed her face and went to kiss her again.

"No, no, no, no, no I forgive you!" Jess said urgently, pushing him away.

"Ha!" said Nick, laughing at her discomfort. He leaned back into the couch with a huge smug face. "About time Jess!"

Jess whacked him when she realised he was joking. "Jerk! Don't scare me like that!"

"I had to scare you Jess." He chuckled. "It was the only way."

"No it wasn't I was totally about to say hi!" said Jess. "You're just impatient."

"I don't care that was way more fun," he said, taking a swig of his beer.

"You totally killed the moment," Jess told him, sitting back and crossing her arms.

"I was trying to be symmetrical!" Nick said, defensively. "I started the problem with a kiss so I thought I'd end it with a kiss."

"That's like murdering Schmidt, and solving that problem by murdering Winston." Jess argued.

"Hey if it'll shut him up I'd do what I gotta do," Nick replied. Jess laughed and let out a big sigh of relief. She was done. Who needed boyfriends anyway? She was already dealing with enough men in her life.

"Nick..." Jess said. She had suddenly remembered Cece and Schmidt's warnings at the start of the day and knew they had been right. "You don't need to apologise anymore but I think I do. I didn't need to put you through that all day."

"Honestly Jess I had a ball so I wouldn't feel too cut up about it." Nick told her. "But don't expect me to do anything for you, for like a _really_ long time."

Jess thought of the fried muffins again. "You know what, that's fair. Deal." She went to high-five him and he went to shake her hand and it turned into holding hands in midair. "What is that?" Jess said awkwardly.

"I don't know," Nick said, pulling away and feeling weird. "Let's not touch for a while."

Jess shot her fingers at him like a gun instead. "You got it partner," she said with an awful cowboy accent.

"Oh my God," said Nick. They both giggled uncomfortably. "Let's watch Billy Madison so we don't have to talk anymore."

"Can't we watch something different? I bought Annie the other day." Nick through his hands in the air in exasperation. "What?"

"Do I have to try kissing you again? I think I'd prefer if you didn't speak unless you had something to contribute Jess."

* * *

A/N: Also I saw Happy Gilmore the other night, can you tell? Please review!


End file.
